Jumping to present for a moment—because who has time to stick to the past when the present is throwing a party right now?

So, boom! Last week, Heartbreaker the Asshole drops the bomb that his paycheck is gonna be short. Naturally, I thought, “Oh, must be the part-time gig!” Nope. Full-time job took the hit because some coworker decided to become the Queen of Overtime and a supervisor who apparently thinks “questioning” is optional. Now we’re all stuck with 37 hours a week instead of 40, just to kill overtime. Yay, corporate genius moves!

Bills? Yeah, we were short there too. Then, bam! A mysterious $1400 hike on his credit card. I ask if I can pay that one bill so we don’t drown. Cue the dramatic monologue: “I can’t have anything, I’m so done, I wish I could buy you out of this marriage.” Then, right after, “If you ever need anything, I got you.” Which he has said over and over again! Yeah, right! You don’t even have you right now, how the hell do I believe you’ll have me later?

The bill? Cable/Internet. The lifeline of any modern human. He says, “Fine, I’ll pay it, but I shouldn’t ask for anything else.” He’s happy because I’m not going to bother him. Me? I’m like, “If you wanna walk, just walk. I got this mess covered.” Because honestly, dealing with his drama is like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws — not worth the scars. He’s treating me like some roadside treasure hunter he just scooped up! Meanwhile, I’m over here with a resume: 4 years of Disney passes, 3 years of Universal passes, and I even footed his bill last year. Plus, I upgraded him from motel chic to resort luxe. At family gatherings, I’m the one smuggling him home food like a snack mule. And yet, when I ask for anything else, suddenly I’m the villain. Okay, message received—loud and clear!

After all the nonsense, guess what? I finally filed the divorce papers today! Yep, on our 13th anniversary. Talk about a plot twist! I’m DONE. I want him out of my house, my space, my sanity. He’s become even more of an asshole than when we started — and that’s saying something. I’m starting to “dare I say it” hate him. Hate is a strong word, but damn, the love is gone. I don’t even know how I stayed in love this long. There were times I hated him but still loved him. Not anymore. Once he’s out, I don’t even want to be friends. Nope, no friendship sequel for this messy rom-com!